The last week or so has not been good, attacked through a friend at fb and accused of stuff I haven't done, I am beginning to think FB IS dangerous and not a good place to be on, closed one account and got my honest and true friends on an another account, but STILL I am not happy, something is not right~ so after contemplating about it all in my prayers , I thought no I need to turn to God fully, and try and do away with fb as it is distracting me from my prayer life and other stuff~I need to Focus on God and my spiritual life, keep distance from people who are a distraction to my spiritual life. God is the only one that can help me here, so lord I am yours do what you want with me.
It is after two in the morning, I should be sleeping, but am far to upset, but here again, this is where I have to let it go and give it all to God, and trust he will look after me, and knows the struggle which I am facing.
So today is a new day, to start again, go walking, smell the Roses and just live for today, ~
8/30/2012
8/23/2012
St Theresa of avila ~
DESCRIBES THE HIDEOUS APPEARANCE OF A SOUL IN MORTAL SIN AS REVEALED BY GOD
TO SOME ONE: OFFERS A FEW REMARKS ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE: THIS CHAPTER IS USEFUL AS
IT CONTAINS SOME POINTS REQUIRING ATTENTION. AN EXPLANATION OF THE MANSIONS.
1. Effects of mortal sin. 2. It prevents the soul's gaining merit. 3. The soul compared to a tree. 4. Disorder of the soul in mortal sin. 5. Vision of a sinful soul. 6. Profit of realizing these lessons. 7. Prayer. 8. Beauty of the Castle. 9. Self-knowledge 10. Gained by meditating on the divine perfections. 11. Advantages of such meditation. 12. Christ should be our model. 13. The devil entraps beginners. 14. Our strength must come from God. 15. Sin blinds the soul. 16. Worldliness. 17. The world in the cloister. 18. Assaults of the devil. 19. Examples of the devil's arts. 20. Perfection consists in charity. 21. Indiscreet zeal. 22. Danger of detraction.
1. BEFORE going farther, I wish you to consider the state to which mortal sin 1 brings this magnificent and beautiful castle, this pearl of the East, this tree of life, planted beside the living waters of life 2
p. 46
which symbolize God Himself. No night can be so dark, no gloom nor blackness can compare to its obscurity. Suffice it to say that the sun in the centre of the soul, which gave it such splendour and beauty, is totally eclipsed, though the spirit is as fitted to enjoy God's presence as is the crystal to reflect the sun. 3
2. While the soul is in mortal sin nothing can profit it; none of its good works merit an eternal reward, since they do not proceed from God as their first principle, and by Him alone is our virtue real virtue. The soul separated from Him is no longer pleasing in His eyes, because by committing a mortal sin, instead of seeking to please God, it prefers to gratify the devil, the prince of darkness, and so comes to share his blackness. I knew a person to whom our Lord revealed the result of a mortal sin 4 and who said she thought no one who realized its effects could ever commit it, but would suffer unimaginable torments to avoid it. This vision made her very desirous for all to grasp this truth, therefore I beg you, my daughters, to pray fervently to God for sinners, who live in blindness and do deeds of darkness.
3. In a state of grace the soul is like a well of limpid water, from which flow only streams of clearest crystal. Its works are pleasing both to God and man, rising from the River of Life, beside which it is rooted like a tree. Otherwise it would produce neither leaves nor fruit, for the waters of grace
p. 47
nourish it, keep it from withering from drought, and cause it to bring forth good fruit. But the soul by sinning withdraws from this stream of life, and growing beside a black and fetid pool, can produce nothing but disgusting and unwholesome fruit.
Notice that it is not the fountain and the brilliant sun which lose their splendour and beauty, for they are placed in the very centre of the soul and cannot be deprived of their lustre. The soul is like a crystal in the sunshine over which a thick black cloth has been thrown, so that however brightly the sun may shine the crystal can never reflect it.
4. O souls, redeemed by the Blood of Jesus Christ, take these things to heart; have mercy on yourselves! If you realize your pitiable condition, how can you refrain from trying to remove the darkness from the crystal of your souls? Remember, if death should take you now, you would never again enjoy the light of this Sun. O Jesus! how sad a sight must be a soul deprived of light! What a terrible state the chambers of this castle are in! How disorderly must be the senses--the inhabitants of the castle--the powers of the soul its magistrates, governors, and stewards--blind and uncontrolled as they are! In short, as the soil in which the tree is now planted is in the devil's domain, how can its fruit be anything but evil? A man of great spiritual insight once told me he was not so much surprised at such a soul's wicked deeds as astonished that it did not commit even worse sins. May God in His mercy keep us from such great evil, for nothing in this life merits the name of evil in comparison with
p. 48
this, which delivers us over to evil which is eternal.
5. This is what we must dread and pray God to deliver us from, for we are weakness itself, and unless He guards the city, in vain shall we labour to defend it. 5 The person of whom I spoke 6 said that she had learnt two things from the vision granted her. The first was, a great fear of offending God; seeing how terrible were the consequences, she constantly begged Him to preserve her from falling into sin. Secondly, it was a mirror to teach her humility, for she saw that nothing good in us springs from ourselves but comes from the waters of grace near which the soul remains like a tree planted beside a river, and from that Sun which gives life to our works. She realized this so vividly that on seeing any good deed performed by herself or by other people she at once turned to God as to its fountain head--without whose help she knew well we can do nothing--and broke out into songs of praise to Him. Generally she forgot all about herself and only thought of God when she did any meritorious action.
6. The time which has been spent in reading or writing on this subject will not have been lost if it has taught us these two truths; for though learned, clever men know them perfectly, women's wits are dull and need help in every way. Perhaps this is why our Lord has suggested these comparisons to me; may He give us grace to profit by them!
7. So obscure are these spiritual matters that to
p. 49
explain them an ignorant person like myself must say much that is superfluous, and even alien to the subject, before coming to the point. My readers must be patient with me, as I am with myself while writing what I do not understand; indeed, I often take up the paper like a dunce, not knowing what to say, nor how to begin. Doubtless there is need for me to do my best to explain these spiritual subjects to you, for we often hear how beneficial prayer is for our souls; our Constitutions oblige us to pray so many hours a day, yet tell us nothing of what part we ourselves can take in it and very little of the work God does in the soul by its means. 7 It will be helpful, in setting it before you in various ways, to consider this heavenly edifice within us, so little understood by men, near as they often come to it. Our Lord gave me grace to understand something of such matters when I wrote on them before, yet I think I have more light now, especially on the more difficult questions. Unfortunately I am too ignorant to treat of such subjects without saying much that is already well known.
8. Now let us turn at last to our castle with its many mansions. You must not think of a suite of rooms placed in succession, but fix your eyes on the keep, the court inhabited by the King. 8 Like the kernel of the palmito, 9 from which several rinds
p. 50
must be removed before coming to the eatable part, this principal chamber is surrounded by many others. However large, magnificent, and spacious you imagine this castle to be, you cannot exaggerate it; the capacity of the soul is beyond all our understanding, and the Sun within this palace enlightens every part of it.
9. A soul which gives itself to prayer, either much or little, should on no account be kept within narrow bounds. Since God has given it such great dignity, permit it to wander at will through the rooms of the castle, from the lowest to the highest. Let it not force itself to remain for very long in the same mansion, even that of self-knowledge. Mark well, however, that self-knowledge is indispensable, even for those whom God takes to dwell in the same mansion with Himself. Nothing else, however elevated, perfects the soul which must never seek to forget its own nothingness. Let humility be always at work, like the bee at the honeycomb, or all will be lost. But, remember, the bee leaves its hive to fly in search of flowers and the soul should sometimes cease thinking of itself to rise in meditation on the grandeur and majesty of its God. It will learn its own baseness better thus than by self-contemplation, and will be freer from the reptiles which enter the first room where self-knowledge is acquired. Although it is a great grace from God to practise self-examination, yet 'too much is as bad as too little,' as they say; believe me, by God's help, we shall advance more by contemplating the
p. 51
[paragraph continues] Divinity than by keeping our eyes fixed on ourselves, poor creatures of earth that we are.
10. I do not know whether I have put this clearly; self-knowledge is of such consequence that I would not have you careless of it, though you may be lifted to heaven in prayer, because while on earth nothing is more needful than humility. Therefore, I repeat, not only a good way, but the best of all ways, is to endeavour to enter first by the room where humility is practised, which is far better than at once rushing on to the others. This is the right road;--if we know how easy and safe it is to walk by it, why ask for wings with which to fly? Let us rather try to learn how to advance quickly. I believe we shall never learn to know ourselves except by endeavouring to know God, for, beholding His greatness we are struck by our own baseness, His purity shows our foulness, and by meditating on His humility we find how very far we are from being humble.
11. Two advantages are gained by this practice. First, it is clear that white looks far whiter when placed near something black, and on the contrary, black never looks so dark as when seen beside something white. Secondly, our understanding and will become more noble and capable of good in every way when we turn from ourselves to God: it is very injurious never to raise our minds above the mire of our own faults. I described how murky and fetid are the streams that spring from the source of a soul in mortal sin. 10 Thus (although the case is
p. 52
not really the same, God forbid! this is only a comparison), while we are continually absorbed in contemplating the weakness of our earthly nature, the springs of our anions will never flow free from the mire of timid, weak, and cowardly thoughts, such as: 'I wonder whether people are noticing me or not! If I follow this course, will harm come to me? Dare I begin this work? Would it not be presumptuous? Is it right for any one as faulty as myself to speak on sublime spiritual subjects? 11 Will not people think too well of me, if I make myself singular? Extremes are bad, even in virtue; sinful as I am I shall only fall the lower. Perhaps I shall fail and be a source of scandal to good people; such a person as I am has no need of peculiarities.'
12. Alas, my daughters, what loss the devil must have caused to many a soul by such thoughts as these! It thinks such ideas and many others of the same sort I could mention arise from humility. This comes from not understanding our own nature; self-knowledge becomes so warped that, unless we take our thoughts off ourselves, I am not surprised that these and many worse fears should threaten us. Therefore I maintain, my daughters, that we should fix our eyes on Christ our only good, and on His saints; there we shall learn true humility, and our minds will be ennobled, so that self-knowledge will not make us base and cowardly. Although only the first, this mansion contains great riches and such treasures that if the soul only manages to
p. 53
elude the reptiles dwelling here, it cannot fail to advance farther. Terrible are the wiles and strata-gems the devil uses to hinder people from realizing their weakness and detecting his snares.
13. From personal experience I could give you much information as to what happens in these first mansions. I will only say that you must not imagine there are only a few, but a number of rooms, for souls enter them by many different ways, and always with a good intention. The devil is so angry at this that he keeps legions of evil spirits hidden in each room to stop the progress of Christians, whom, being ignorant of this, he entraps in a thousand ways. He cannot so easily deceive souls which dwell nearer to the King as he can beginners still absorbed in the world, immersed in its pleasures, and eager for its honours and distinctions. As the vassals of their souls, the senses and powers bestowed on them by God, are weak, such people are easily vanquished, although desirous not to offend God.
14. Those conscious of being in this state must as often as possible have recourse to His Majesty, taking His Blessed Mother and the saints for their advocates to do battle for them, because we creatures possess little strength for self-defence. Indeed in every state of life all our help must come from God; may He in His mercy grant it us, Amen! What a miserable life we lead! As I have spoken more fully in other writings 12 on the ill that results from ignoring the need of humility and self-knowledge, I will treat
p. 54
no more about it here, my daughters, although it is of the first importance. God grant that what I have said may be useful to you.
15 You must notice that the light which comes from the King's palace hardly shines at all in these first mansions; although not as gloomy and black as the soul in mortal sin, yet they are in semi-darkness, and their inhabitants see scarcely anything. I cannot explain myself; I do not mean that this is the fault of the mansions themselves, but that the number of snakes, vipers, and venomous reptiles from outside the castle prevent souls entering them from seeing the light. They resemble a person entering a chamber full of brilliant sunshine, with eyes clogged and half closed with dust. Though the room itself is light, he cannot see because of his self-imposed impediment. In the same way, these fierce and wild beasts blind the eyes of the beginner, so that he sees nothing but them.
16. Such, it appears to me, is the soul which, though not in a state of mortal sin, is so worldly and preoccupied with earthly riches, honours, and affairs, that as I said, even if it sincerely wishes to enter into itself and enjoy the beauties of the castle, it is prevented by these distractions and seems unable to overcome so many obstacles. It is most important to withdraw from all unnecessary cares and business, as far as compatible with the duties of one's state of life, in order to enter the second mansion. This is so essential, that unless done immediately I think it impossible for any one ever to reach the principal room, or even to remain
p. 55
where he is without great risk of losing what is already gained; otherwise, although he is inside the castle, he will find it impossible to avoid being bitten some time or other by some of the very venomous creatures surrounding him.
17. What then would become of a religious like ourselves, my daughters, if, after having escaped from all these impediments, and having entered much farther into the more secret mansion, she should, by her own fault, return to all this turmoil? Through her sins, many other people on whom God had bestowed great graces would culpably relapse into their wretched state. In our convents we are free from these exterior evils; please God our minds may be as free from them, and may He deliver us from such ills.
18. Do not trouble yourselves, my daughters, with cares which do not concern you. You must notice that the struggle with the demons continues through nearly all the mansions of this castle. True, in some of them, the guards, which, as I explained, are the powers of the soul, have strength for the combat, but we must be keenly on the watch against the devils's arts, lest he deceive us in the form of an angel of light. He creeps in gradually, in numberless ways, and does us much harm, though we do not discover it until too late. 13
19. As I said elsewhere, 14 he works like a file, secretly and silently wearing its way: I will give you some examples to show how he begins his wiles.
p. 56
[paragraph continues] For instance: a nun has such a longing for penance as to feel no peace unless she is tormenting herself in some way. 15 This is good in itself; but suppose that the Prioress has forbidden her to practise any mortifications without special leave, and the sister thinking that, in such a meritorious cause, she may venture to disobey, secretly leads such a life that she loses her health and cannot even fulfil the requirements of her rule--you see how this show of good ends. Another nun is very zealous about religious perfection; this is very right, but may cause her to think every small fault she sees in her sisters a serious crime, and to watch constantly whether they do anything wrong, that she may run to the Prioress to accuse them of it. At the same time, may be she never notices her own shortcomings because of her great zeal about other people's religious observance, while perhaps her sisters, not seeing her intention but only knowing of the watch she keeps on them, do not take her behaviour in good part.
20. The devil's chief aim here is to cool the charity and lessen the mutual affection of the nuns, which would injure them seriously. Be sure, my daughters, that true perfection consists in the love of God and our neighbour, and the better we keep both these commandments, the more perfect we shall be. The sole object of our Rule and Constitutions is to help us to observe these two laws.
21. Indiscreet zeal about others must not be indulged in; it may do us much harm; let each one look to herself. However, as I have spoken fully
p. 57
on this subject elsewhere, 16 I will not enlarge on it here, and will only beg you to remember the necessity of this mutual affection. Our souls may lose their peace and even disturb other people's if we are always criticizing trivial actions which often are not real defects at all, but we construe them wrongly through ignorance of their motives. See how much it costs to attain perfection! Sometimes the devil tempts nuns in this way about the Prioress, which is still more dangerous. Great prudence is then required, for if she disobeys the Rule or Constitutions the matter must not always be overlooked, but should be mentioned to her; 17 if, after this, she does not amend, the Superior of the Order should be informed of it. It is true charity to speak in this case, as it would be if we saw our sisters commit a grave fault; to keep silence for fear that speech would be a temptation against charity, would be that very temptation itself. 18
22. However, I must warn you seriously not to talk to each other about such things, lest the devil deceive you. He would gain greatly by your doing so, because it would lead to the habit of detraction; rather, as I said, state the matter to those whose duty it is to remedy it. Thank God our custom
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here of keeping almost perpetual silence gives little opportunity for such conversations, still, it is well to stand ever on our guard.
45:1 Life, ch. xxxviii. 31; ch. xl. 15.
45:2 Ps. i. 3: 'Et erit tamquam lignum quod plantatum eat secus decursus aquarum.'
46:3 Way of Perf. ch. xxviii. 9.
46:4 In this as in most other cases when the Saint speaks of 'a person she knows,' she means herself. Life, ch. xl, 15.
48:5 cxxvi. 1: 'Nisi Dominus custodierit civitatem, frustra vigilat qui custodit eam.'
48:6 Life, ch. xxxviii. 33; ch. xl. 15, 16.
49:7 Life, ch. x. 2 sqq. Constitut. 2, 6.
49:8 Way of Perf.. ch. xxviii. 1.
1. Effects of mortal sin. 2. It prevents the soul's gaining merit. 3. The soul compared to a tree. 4. Disorder of the soul in mortal sin. 5. Vision of a sinful soul. 6. Profit of realizing these lessons. 7. Prayer. 8. Beauty of the Castle. 9. Self-knowledge 10. Gained by meditating on the divine perfections. 11. Advantages of such meditation. 12. Christ should be our model. 13. The devil entraps beginners. 14. Our strength must come from God. 15. Sin blinds the soul. 16. Worldliness. 17. The world in the cloister. 18. Assaults of the devil. 19. Examples of the devil's arts. 20. Perfection consists in charity. 21. Indiscreet zeal. 22. Danger of detraction.
1. BEFORE going farther, I wish you to consider the state to which mortal sin 1 brings this magnificent and beautiful castle, this pearl of the East, this tree of life, planted beside the living waters of life 2
p. 46
which symbolize God Himself. No night can be so dark, no gloom nor blackness can compare to its obscurity. Suffice it to say that the sun in the centre of the soul, which gave it such splendour and beauty, is totally eclipsed, though the spirit is as fitted to enjoy God's presence as is the crystal to reflect the sun. 3
2. While the soul is in mortal sin nothing can profit it; none of its good works merit an eternal reward, since they do not proceed from God as their first principle, and by Him alone is our virtue real virtue. The soul separated from Him is no longer pleasing in His eyes, because by committing a mortal sin, instead of seeking to please God, it prefers to gratify the devil, the prince of darkness, and so comes to share his blackness. I knew a person to whom our Lord revealed the result of a mortal sin 4 and who said she thought no one who realized its effects could ever commit it, but would suffer unimaginable torments to avoid it. This vision made her very desirous for all to grasp this truth, therefore I beg you, my daughters, to pray fervently to God for sinners, who live in blindness and do deeds of darkness.
3. In a state of grace the soul is like a well of limpid water, from which flow only streams of clearest crystal. Its works are pleasing both to God and man, rising from the River of Life, beside which it is rooted like a tree. Otherwise it would produce neither leaves nor fruit, for the waters of grace
p. 47
nourish it, keep it from withering from drought, and cause it to bring forth good fruit. But the soul by sinning withdraws from this stream of life, and growing beside a black and fetid pool, can produce nothing but disgusting and unwholesome fruit.
Notice that it is not the fountain and the brilliant sun which lose their splendour and beauty, for they are placed in the very centre of the soul and cannot be deprived of their lustre. The soul is like a crystal in the sunshine over which a thick black cloth has been thrown, so that however brightly the sun may shine the crystal can never reflect it.
4. O souls, redeemed by the Blood of Jesus Christ, take these things to heart; have mercy on yourselves! If you realize your pitiable condition, how can you refrain from trying to remove the darkness from the crystal of your souls? Remember, if death should take you now, you would never again enjoy the light of this Sun. O Jesus! how sad a sight must be a soul deprived of light! What a terrible state the chambers of this castle are in! How disorderly must be the senses--the inhabitants of the castle--the powers of the soul its magistrates, governors, and stewards--blind and uncontrolled as they are! In short, as the soil in which the tree is now planted is in the devil's domain, how can its fruit be anything but evil? A man of great spiritual insight once told me he was not so much surprised at such a soul's wicked deeds as astonished that it did not commit even worse sins. May God in His mercy keep us from such great evil, for nothing in this life merits the name of evil in comparison with
p. 48
this, which delivers us over to evil which is eternal.
5. This is what we must dread and pray God to deliver us from, for we are weakness itself, and unless He guards the city, in vain shall we labour to defend it. 5 The person of whom I spoke 6 said that she had learnt two things from the vision granted her. The first was, a great fear of offending God; seeing how terrible were the consequences, she constantly begged Him to preserve her from falling into sin. Secondly, it was a mirror to teach her humility, for she saw that nothing good in us springs from ourselves but comes from the waters of grace near which the soul remains like a tree planted beside a river, and from that Sun which gives life to our works. She realized this so vividly that on seeing any good deed performed by herself or by other people she at once turned to God as to its fountain head--without whose help she knew well we can do nothing--and broke out into songs of praise to Him. Generally she forgot all about herself and only thought of God when she did any meritorious action.
6. The time which has been spent in reading or writing on this subject will not have been lost if it has taught us these two truths; for though learned, clever men know them perfectly, women's wits are dull and need help in every way. Perhaps this is why our Lord has suggested these comparisons to me; may He give us grace to profit by them!
7. So obscure are these spiritual matters that to
p. 49
explain them an ignorant person like myself must say much that is superfluous, and even alien to the subject, before coming to the point. My readers must be patient with me, as I am with myself while writing what I do not understand; indeed, I often take up the paper like a dunce, not knowing what to say, nor how to begin. Doubtless there is need for me to do my best to explain these spiritual subjects to you, for we often hear how beneficial prayer is for our souls; our Constitutions oblige us to pray so many hours a day, yet tell us nothing of what part we ourselves can take in it and very little of the work God does in the soul by its means. 7 It will be helpful, in setting it before you in various ways, to consider this heavenly edifice within us, so little understood by men, near as they often come to it. Our Lord gave me grace to understand something of such matters when I wrote on them before, yet I think I have more light now, especially on the more difficult questions. Unfortunately I am too ignorant to treat of such subjects without saying much that is already well known.
8. Now let us turn at last to our castle with its many mansions. You must not think of a suite of rooms placed in succession, but fix your eyes on the keep, the court inhabited by the King. 8 Like the kernel of the palmito, 9 from which several rinds
p. 50
must be removed before coming to the eatable part, this principal chamber is surrounded by many others. However large, magnificent, and spacious you imagine this castle to be, you cannot exaggerate it; the capacity of the soul is beyond all our understanding, and the Sun within this palace enlightens every part of it.
9. A soul which gives itself to prayer, either much or little, should on no account be kept within narrow bounds. Since God has given it such great dignity, permit it to wander at will through the rooms of the castle, from the lowest to the highest. Let it not force itself to remain for very long in the same mansion, even that of self-knowledge. Mark well, however, that self-knowledge is indispensable, even for those whom God takes to dwell in the same mansion with Himself. Nothing else, however elevated, perfects the soul which must never seek to forget its own nothingness. Let humility be always at work, like the bee at the honeycomb, or all will be lost. But, remember, the bee leaves its hive to fly in search of flowers and the soul should sometimes cease thinking of itself to rise in meditation on the grandeur and majesty of its God. It will learn its own baseness better thus than by self-contemplation, and will be freer from the reptiles which enter the first room where self-knowledge is acquired. Although it is a great grace from God to practise self-examination, yet 'too much is as bad as too little,' as they say; believe me, by God's help, we shall advance more by contemplating the
p. 51
[paragraph continues] Divinity than by keeping our eyes fixed on ourselves, poor creatures of earth that we are.
10. I do not know whether I have put this clearly; self-knowledge is of such consequence that I would not have you careless of it, though you may be lifted to heaven in prayer, because while on earth nothing is more needful than humility. Therefore, I repeat, not only a good way, but the best of all ways, is to endeavour to enter first by the room where humility is practised, which is far better than at once rushing on to the others. This is the right road;--if we know how easy and safe it is to walk by it, why ask for wings with which to fly? Let us rather try to learn how to advance quickly. I believe we shall never learn to know ourselves except by endeavouring to know God, for, beholding His greatness we are struck by our own baseness, His purity shows our foulness, and by meditating on His humility we find how very far we are from being humble.
11. Two advantages are gained by this practice. First, it is clear that white looks far whiter when placed near something black, and on the contrary, black never looks so dark as when seen beside something white. Secondly, our understanding and will become more noble and capable of good in every way when we turn from ourselves to God: it is very injurious never to raise our minds above the mire of our own faults. I described how murky and fetid are the streams that spring from the source of a soul in mortal sin. 10 Thus (although the case is
p. 52
not really the same, God forbid! this is only a comparison), while we are continually absorbed in contemplating the weakness of our earthly nature, the springs of our anions will never flow free from the mire of timid, weak, and cowardly thoughts, such as: 'I wonder whether people are noticing me or not! If I follow this course, will harm come to me? Dare I begin this work? Would it not be presumptuous? Is it right for any one as faulty as myself to speak on sublime spiritual subjects? 11 Will not people think too well of me, if I make myself singular? Extremes are bad, even in virtue; sinful as I am I shall only fall the lower. Perhaps I shall fail and be a source of scandal to good people; such a person as I am has no need of peculiarities.'
12. Alas, my daughters, what loss the devil must have caused to many a soul by such thoughts as these! It thinks such ideas and many others of the same sort I could mention arise from humility. This comes from not understanding our own nature; self-knowledge becomes so warped that, unless we take our thoughts off ourselves, I am not surprised that these and many worse fears should threaten us. Therefore I maintain, my daughters, that we should fix our eyes on Christ our only good, and on His saints; there we shall learn true humility, and our minds will be ennobled, so that self-knowledge will not make us base and cowardly. Although only the first, this mansion contains great riches and such treasures that if the soul only manages to
p. 53
elude the reptiles dwelling here, it cannot fail to advance farther. Terrible are the wiles and strata-gems the devil uses to hinder people from realizing their weakness and detecting his snares.
13. From personal experience I could give you much information as to what happens in these first mansions. I will only say that you must not imagine there are only a few, but a number of rooms, for souls enter them by many different ways, and always with a good intention. The devil is so angry at this that he keeps legions of evil spirits hidden in each room to stop the progress of Christians, whom, being ignorant of this, he entraps in a thousand ways. He cannot so easily deceive souls which dwell nearer to the King as he can beginners still absorbed in the world, immersed in its pleasures, and eager for its honours and distinctions. As the vassals of their souls, the senses and powers bestowed on them by God, are weak, such people are easily vanquished, although desirous not to offend God.
14. Those conscious of being in this state must as often as possible have recourse to His Majesty, taking His Blessed Mother and the saints for their advocates to do battle for them, because we creatures possess little strength for self-defence. Indeed in every state of life all our help must come from God; may He in His mercy grant it us, Amen! What a miserable life we lead! As I have spoken more fully in other writings 12 on the ill that results from ignoring the need of humility and self-knowledge, I will treat
p. 54
no more about it here, my daughters, although it is of the first importance. God grant that what I have said may be useful to you.
15 You must notice that the light which comes from the King's palace hardly shines at all in these first mansions; although not as gloomy and black as the soul in mortal sin, yet they are in semi-darkness, and their inhabitants see scarcely anything. I cannot explain myself; I do not mean that this is the fault of the mansions themselves, but that the number of snakes, vipers, and venomous reptiles from outside the castle prevent souls entering them from seeing the light. They resemble a person entering a chamber full of brilliant sunshine, with eyes clogged and half closed with dust. Though the room itself is light, he cannot see because of his self-imposed impediment. In the same way, these fierce and wild beasts blind the eyes of the beginner, so that he sees nothing but them.
16. Such, it appears to me, is the soul which, though not in a state of mortal sin, is so worldly and preoccupied with earthly riches, honours, and affairs, that as I said, even if it sincerely wishes to enter into itself and enjoy the beauties of the castle, it is prevented by these distractions and seems unable to overcome so many obstacles. It is most important to withdraw from all unnecessary cares and business, as far as compatible with the duties of one's state of life, in order to enter the second mansion. This is so essential, that unless done immediately I think it impossible for any one ever to reach the principal room, or even to remain
p. 55
where he is without great risk of losing what is already gained; otherwise, although he is inside the castle, he will find it impossible to avoid being bitten some time or other by some of the very venomous creatures surrounding him.
17. What then would become of a religious like ourselves, my daughters, if, after having escaped from all these impediments, and having entered much farther into the more secret mansion, she should, by her own fault, return to all this turmoil? Through her sins, many other people on whom God had bestowed great graces would culpably relapse into their wretched state. In our convents we are free from these exterior evils; please God our minds may be as free from them, and may He deliver us from such ills.
18. Do not trouble yourselves, my daughters, with cares which do not concern you. You must notice that the struggle with the demons continues through nearly all the mansions of this castle. True, in some of them, the guards, which, as I explained, are the powers of the soul, have strength for the combat, but we must be keenly on the watch against the devils's arts, lest he deceive us in the form of an angel of light. He creeps in gradually, in numberless ways, and does us much harm, though we do not discover it until too late. 13
19. As I said elsewhere, 14 he works like a file, secretly and silently wearing its way: I will give you some examples to show how he begins his wiles.
p. 56
[paragraph continues] For instance: a nun has such a longing for penance as to feel no peace unless she is tormenting herself in some way. 15 This is good in itself; but suppose that the Prioress has forbidden her to practise any mortifications without special leave, and the sister thinking that, in such a meritorious cause, she may venture to disobey, secretly leads such a life that she loses her health and cannot even fulfil the requirements of her rule--you see how this show of good ends. Another nun is very zealous about religious perfection; this is very right, but may cause her to think every small fault she sees in her sisters a serious crime, and to watch constantly whether they do anything wrong, that she may run to the Prioress to accuse them of it. At the same time, may be she never notices her own shortcomings because of her great zeal about other people's religious observance, while perhaps her sisters, not seeing her intention but only knowing of the watch she keeps on them, do not take her behaviour in good part.
20. The devil's chief aim here is to cool the charity and lessen the mutual affection of the nuns, which would injure them seriously. Be sure, my daughters, that true perfection consists in the love of God and our neighbour, and the better we keep both these commandments, the more perfect we shall be. The sole object of our Rule and Constitutions is to help us to observe these two laws.
21. Indiscreet zeal about others must not be indulged in; it may do us much harm; let each one look to herself. However, as I have spoken fully
p. 57
on this subject elsewhere, 16 I will not enlarge on it here, and will only beg you to remember the necessity of this mutual affection. Our souls may lose their peace and even disturb other people's if we are always criticizing trivial actions which often are not real defects at all, but we construe them wrongly through ignorance of their motives. See how much it costs to attain perfection! Sometimes the devil tempts nuns in this way about the Prioress, which is still more dangerous. Great prudence is then required, for if she disobeys the Rule or Constitutions the matter must not always be overlooked, but should be mentioned to her; 17 if, after this, she does not amend, the Superior of the Order should be informed of it. It is true charity to speak in this case, as it would be if we saw our sisters commit a grave fault; to keep silence for fear that speech would be a temptation against charity, would be that very temptation itself. 18
22. However, I must warn you seriously not to talk to each other about such things, lest the devil deceive you. He would gain greatly by your doing so, because it would lead to the habit of detraction; rather, as I said, state the matter to those whose duty it is to remedy it. Thank God our custom
p. 58
here of keeping almost perpetual silence gives little opportunity for such conversations, still, it is well to stand ever on our guard.
Footnotes
45:1 Life, ch. xxxviii. 31; ch. xl. 15.
45:2 Ps. i. 3: 'Et erit tamquam lignum quod plantatum eat secus decursus aquarum.'
46:3 Way of Perf. ch. xxviii. 9.
46:4 In this as in most other cases when the Saint speaks of 'a person she knows,' she means herself. Life, ch. xl, 15.
48:5 cxxvi. 1: 'Nisi Dominus custodierit civitatem, frustra vigilat qui custodit eam.'
48:6 Life, ch. xxxviii. 33; ch. xl. 15, 16.
49:7 Life, ch. x. 2 sqq. Constitut. 2, 6.
49:8 Way of Perf.. ch. xxviii. 1.
8/19/2012
Some times we need to just let go
The last week has not been the best to say the least, flu and just unwell. Some time ago I had a falling out with a friend as she had accursed me on face book of needing professional help to say the least she needed it so I had to let that friendship go we must move on and live a life pleasing to God this friendship was me coming toxic as I was trying to get closer to God this would try in her own nasty way draw me away from God .. I will pray for this woman but there will be no place in my life for this woman,it's sad but life goes on.
Then the other day I get this horrible email from a so call friend accusing me of something I never did very childish attitude ~ we sometimes need to walk away from people because they become very toxic in your life~ and when your trying to go forward in life and your spiritual life you don't need people like this~
I have had to make this lesson in my life a stepping stone move on and let God deal with it
I need God more than ever now I don't need to rely on human beings who let you down, who walk all over you and treat you like a child!!
I pray that this experience won't happen to me again I turn to God and ask for his guidance to help through the rest of this journey!
Then the other day I get this horrible email from a so call friend accusing me of something I never did very childish attitude ~ we sometimes need to walk away from people because they become very toxic in your life~ and when your trying to go forward in life and your spiritual life you don't need people like this~
I have had to make this lesson in my life a stepping stone move on and let God deal with it
I need God more than ever now I don't need to rely on human beings who let you down, who walk all over you and treat you like a child!!
I pray that this experience won't happen to me again I turn to God and ask for his guidance to help through the rest of this journey!
8/17/2012
Some times God comes in the most unexpected ways
The last 9 days have been not so good, this flu is just not going, and the second time in two months I have had it..
Been Saturday I decided not to bet dressed, I had a upsetting day yesterday as a so called friend accused of blocking her off fb, which I didn't do, and her email was the last straw, it hurt , so I have decided to be quite and not contact this person again, her actions are so very childlike..I will pray for her but that is as far as it goes~
So lazing around on the computer and there is a knock on the door, my GOD I answered it to be greeted by a good priest friend, just as if GOD had known I was upset, and needed to talk to some one, God works in strange ways, but he always knows when one needs consoling, to this I felt so blessed, and thinking to my self how you work some times lord is so unexpected, you do know when we are down and we forget you also were human and were hurt, and mistreated and mad a fool of, you suffered more than we will ever suffer, and knowing how much you love us, and always just waiting for us to come to you and put our burdens at your feet/
Thank you for this morning Lord, thank you for all the graces and blessings I have received and the beautiful friends who stand by me in my failures and weakness to be love and reassured, is just wonderful,and that what happen this morning through this wonderful friend....
Been Saturday I decided not to bet dressed, I had a upsetting day yesterday as a so called friend accused of blocking her off fb, which I didn't do, and her email was the last straw, it hurt , so I have decided to be quite and not contact this person again, her actions are so very childlike..I will pray for her but that is as far as it goes~
So lazing around on the computer and there is a knock on the door, my GOD I answered it to be greeted by a good priest friend, just as if GOD had known I was upset, and needed to talk to some one, God works in strange ways, but he always knows when one needs consoling, to this I felt so blessed, and thinking to my self how you work some times lord is so unexpected, you do know when we are down and we forget you also were human and were hurt, and mistreated and mad a fool of, you suffered more than we will ever suffer, and knowing how much you love us, and always just waiting for us to come to you and put our burdens at your feet/
Thank you for this morning Lord, thank you for all the graces and blessings I have received and the beautiful friends who stand by me in my failures and weakness to be love and reassured, is just wonderful,and that what happen this morning through this wonderful friend....
8/09/2012
When Times are Difficult
Tough times happen to everyone at one time or another. Pain and loss are a part of life. There are many different reasons why these occur, but God is always there to bring good out of it when we invite Him to. We have to pray that when we go through difficult times, He will give us a greater sense of His comfort in it. ~
8/07/2012
AS YOU GO THROUGH LIFE ~
AS YOU GO THROUGH LIFE........
Set your own pace........When someone is pushing you, it's ok to tell them they're pushing.
Take nothing for granted........Watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbors mow.
Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive........Rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.
Listen to the wind blow........It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow...
Set your own pace........When someone is pushing you, it's ok to tell them they're pushing.
Take nothing for granted........Watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbors mow.
Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive........Rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.
Listen to the wind blow........It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow...
........And now.........Now counts.
Rest on your laurels........They bring comfort whatever their size, age or condition.
Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words.
Give yourself permission to be late sometimes........Life is for living, not scheduling.
Listen to the song of a bird........The complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.
Slow down. God is still in heaven........You are not responsible for doing it all...yourself... right now.
Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past........Rest there. Each moment has a richness that takes a lifetime to savor.
Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn or possess........God's gifts just are. Be grateful and their purpose will be clear.
When you walk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next........Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.
Talk and play with children........It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.
Create a place in your home...At your work....in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.
Take time to think........Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder and mull.
Make time for play........The things you like to do. Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.
Watch and listen to the night sky........It speaks.
Listen to the words you speak........Especially in prayer.
Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders........ There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.
Divide big jobs into little jobs........If God took six days to create the universe, can you do any better?
Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency........The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.
Take a day off alone........Make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.
Pet a furry friend........You will give and get the gift of now.
Work with your hands........It frees the mind.
Take time to wonder........Without wonder, life is merely an existence.
Sit in the dark........It will treat you to see and hear, taste and smell.
Once in awhile........Turn down the lights, The throttle, The invitations. Less really can be more.
Let go........Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do...but often it is the best.
Taste your food........God gave it to delight as well as nourish.
Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set........They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.
And as you ramble on thru life my dearest friend........Keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole.
"AND SLOWLY COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS ONE AT A TIME"
Rest on your laurels........They bring comfort whatever their size, age or condition.
Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words.
Give yourself permission to be late sometimes........Life is for living, not scheduling.
Listen to the song of a bird........The complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.
Slow down. God is still in heaven........You are not responsible for doing it all...yourself... right now.
Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past........Rest there. Each moment has a richness that takes a lifetime to savor.
Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn or possess........God's gifts just are. Be grateful and their purpose will be clear.
When you walk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next........Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.
Talk and play with children........It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.
Create a place in your home...At your work....in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.
Take time to think........Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder and mull.
Make time for play........The things you like to do. Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.
Watch and listen to the night sky........It speaks.
Listen to the words you speak........Especially in prayer.
Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders........ There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.
Divide big jobs into little jobs........If God took six days to create the universe, can you do any better?
Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency........The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.
Take a day off alone........Make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.
Pet a furry friend........You will give and get the gift of now.
Work with your hands........It frees the mind.
Take time to wonder........Without wonder, life is merely an existence.
Sit in the dark........It will treat you to see and hear, taste and smell.
Once in awhile........Turn down the lights, The throttle, The invitations. Less really can be more.
Let go........Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do...but often it is the best.
Taste your food........God gave it to delight as well as nourish.
Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set........They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.
And as you ramble on thru life my dearest friend........Keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole.
"AND SLOWLY COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS ONE AT A TIME"
8/02/2012
Taking time out for one self
AS YOU GO THROUGH LIFE........
Set your own pace........When someone is pushing you, it's ok to tell them they're pushing.
Take nothing for granted........Watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbors mow.
Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive........Rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.
Listen to the wind blow........It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow........And now.........Now counts.
Rest on your laurels........They bring comfort whatever their size, age or condition.
Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words.
Give yourself permission to be late sometimes........Life is for living, not scheduling.
Listen to the song of a bird........The complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.
Slow down. God is still in heaven........You are not responsible for doing it all...yourself... right now.
Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past........Rest there. Each moment has a richness that takes a lifetime to savor.
Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn or possess........God's gifts just are. Be grateful and their purpose will be clear.
When you walk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next........Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.
Talk and play with children........It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.
Create a place in your home...At your work....in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.
Take time to think........Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder and mull.
Make time for play........The things you like to do. Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.
Watch and listen to the night sky........It speaks.
Listen to the words you speak........Especially in prayer.
Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders........ There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.
Divide big jobs into little jobs........If God took six days to create the universe, can you do any better?
Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency........The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.
Take a day off alone........Make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.
Pet a furry friend........You will give and get the gift of now.
Work with your hands........It frees the mind.
Take time to wonder........Without wonder, life is merely an existence.
Sit in the dark........It will treat you to see and hear, taste and smell.
Once in awhile........Turn down the lights, The throttle, The invitations. Less really can be more.
Let go........Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do...but often it is the best.
Taste your food........God gave it to delight as well as nourish.
Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set........They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.
And as you ramble on thru life my dearest friend........Keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole.
"AND SLOWLY COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS ONE AT A TIME"
Set your own pace........When someone is pushing you, it's ok to tell them they're pushing.
Take nothing for granted........Watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbors mow.
Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive........Rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.
Listen to the wind blow........It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow........And now.........Now counts.
Rest on your laurels........They bring comfort whatever their size, age or condition.
Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words.
Give yourself permission to be late sometimes........Life is for living, not scheduling.
Listen to the song of a bird........The complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.
Slow down. God is still in heaven........You are not responsible for doing it all...yourself... right now.
Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past........Rest there. Each moment has a richness that takes a lifetime to savor.
Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn or possess........God's gifts just are. Be grateful and their purpose will be clear.
When you walk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next........Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.
Talk and play with children........It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.
Create a place in your home...At your work....in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.
Take time to think........Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder and mull.
Make time for play........The things you like to do. Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.
Watch and listen to the night sky........It speaks.
Listen to the words you speak........Especially in prayer.
Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders........ There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.
Divide big jobs into little jobs........If God took six days to create the universe, can you do any better?
Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency........The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.
Take a day off alone........Make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.
Pet a furry friend........You will give and get the gift of now.
Work with your hands........It frees the mind.
Take time to wonder........Without wonder, life is merely an existence.
Sit in the dark........It will treat you to see and hear, taste and smell.
Once in awhile........Turn down the lights, The throttle, The invitations. Less really can be more.
Let go........Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do...but often it is the best.
Taste your food........God gave it to delight as well as nourish.
Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set........They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.
And as you ramble on thru life my dearest friend........Keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole.
"AND SLOWLY COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS ONE AT A TIME"
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