Eating Chocolate for depression is good//

Yesterday and today I have been so so very down, so what I did was get out the house, went to mass and then shopping, now shopping is very bad when your down and feeling  rotten, because you end up buying bad stuff like chocolate, and that is what I did today.its still sitting in on the bench but I am going to go and have a piece with a cuppa tea, before I go to bed they say chocolate is good for depression, and sunlight ,and walking, it helps the stress levels and sadness that goes on in side ones life.

I have to increase my depression tablets, and have to go back to my councillor, not that I want to, but I have to talk to some one...about losing two friends, this week through my own falt no one really knows how hard it is when you try to explain something to some one and they dont beleive  a word your saying/ they say face relaity, now that coming from someone who I had as a friend, and that I dont deserve to have friends .I am a very horrible person. No wonder I am in a depression again....

My thoughts are all over the place as I write this, thinking how I have to force my self to get up of a morning and get dressed,some day I really hate the world like today.

well enough of me rambling on, time to go and have that chocolate ....and tomorrow I might feel more like my old self...
At Least God loves me if no one eles does...And I will hold that for ever in my heart. he is the only one who really understands me and wont let me down.

Time to move on

Well now this last week has been quite a challenge to me, I have decided to move on, to find a place, where I am at peace with my self, not for any one Else, for me, I have learned, you can not trust any one,not even your friends. they let you down also, I know I have let people down, but IN saying that I will not let People or friends dictate to me, as I was aways dictated to as a child by nuns at school,and as an adult people still thing they can tell me what to do, its a no go zone!!I have felt so completely alone, in the last few weeks, and I have asked my self where is God in all this?

As Mary McKillop put it beautifully

Life has a way of teaching us that no relationship is perfect.
Storms can envelop us with out warning.  who is there for us?
Where is God ? Storm clouds can block out every thing,including, we sometimes feel, even our God .Perhaps it is then,when things are really tough, that we need to heed Mary"s words.
GODS LOVE IS BEST SHOWN IN TIMES OF ARIDITY (1890)

Isn't that what faith is is all about? God is there, we believe,even though we still feel DOWN AND almost out of count.  We still trust in our Good God,even though we feel his absence.
Mary describes beautifully her own experience of finding peace in the chaos that enveloped her.

A quiet and slow healing process, re-discovering, a calm after the storm that had been my life for the past few years (1903

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him (ps 37:7)

knowing when to say NO

This week has be more than a challenge, it has been a learning time through my down days , and my good days, to learn to say NO.  TO food I shouldn't eat, so have been on the right track and lost 1.1kg, and No to people who want to bullier me,.and tell me how I should live my life, and dictate and try and take over me. so through this I have a lost a friend but something had to give and I wasn't buying into what she was selling, in telling me I should do this I should do that,it is sad she couldn't seem where I was coming from,., yes I was angry with her, but she had to know where I stood! It has mad me sad this has happened, but its time now to move on, and not look back, to keep moving to look at the good that is going to happen..

Lent has been a struggle, but I have managed to just try and do what I can., meeting up with friends this morning at MacDonald's, one friend is very negative, But I have learnt to turn off, and just laugh her off, it is good to have time out and to be there for each other, we all need to take time out with our friends, and let them know we do care.

I will continue to keep doing my meditation's, my walking, with a spirit of love in my heart that I am doing this for me no one else, and taking more photos, just love my photography when I am taking photos of flowers, animals , I feel very close to God, like he is walking beside me and also smelling the roses, it is a sense of freedom of been loved, it clears my head, gives me a sense of purpose, I am blessed and Thank God for this, the fact I still do have my eye site, though I might have to have a operation for the cataracts, you appriciate each day when you can wake up and open your eyes and say thank you Lord I am able to see, thank you for giving me my site.,And Thank you for my beautiful family and Friends,

A week of HELL

Well I hate to say it, but my depression has come back big time, and the last week has been hell, I am just struggling to get through each day, the Thought of having to get out of bed dose not seem to be a challenge, so the last two days, I have stayed in my nightie and done absolute nothing,yes I have prayed, but all that is Jesus I Trust you, that is as far as my prayer is lately.

If you have ever suffered with depression, you would understand,but some don't understand,and are critical, and say wake up to your self, stop feeling sorry for your self, this is a horrible thing to have, and though I am on medication, some time I just get into the dark hole and can not get out of it..

A lot of issues, have cause this condition to come back on to me, losing a friend, who I used to confide in, and a friend who is dying of cancer, who is in denial, my weight, my sugar...the list goes one,

I often think Where is God in all this, he must be on a coffee break, he often goes on coffee breaks on me lately ,

WELL enough from me for now, I had better go and live for the day, count my points, and try and get into my photos...\

I think God UNDERSTAND WHERE I am coming from, have a Blessed week every one

I just want to feel better, my old happy laughting self, but while I am in this dark hole, I just have to try and manage one day at a time

BEAUTIFUL PHOTOS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silence of the Heart

I believe we all have to answer for how we live each day, we have to answer to our God, if we don't look after our self's, its a difficult challenge, though for my self when I have woken up each morning in the last week,in constant pain!  It only makes me more determined to keep moving, but yesterday I have to confess, I had had one Bad day, to the point I didn't even get out of my PJ's~now did I feel guilty No~ because I believe, I need to just have a day where I didn't answer the phone, (which I didn't)  and just be silent in my self, pray and what what I ate and do my tracking, to my surprise, I have have lost 1kg this week, which proves to me, yes Joanne you can do this, in all the pain your bearing, you can walk and you can be silence, and just be your self, and in all of this Jesus walks with me.

In the middle of the week I did have some friend try and dictate to me, but I would not buy what she was selling, meaning I don't have to be told what to do in my spiritual life, its between my self and God, and no one has a right to tell you when or when not to go to confession, or go to Mass, sometime people like to think they can take over my life,  which I have to confess I let them in the past  but now I am wiser and stronger and I wont stand for it, I am me , each day is a challenge, and I can only take one day at a time, some days I can only take one hour at a time..

So what ever I am doing I must be doing right, to lose a 1kg this week, I have proven to m y self I am much stronger than I give my self credit for.

Let us all continue to be Gentle with our self, and know we are on this magical journey, of life,

As Mary of the Cross said,

~We are but Travellers here ~1867~

The little Crosses of every day are harder to bear than the thumping big ones~(1890)