A week of HELL

Well I hate to say it, but my depression has come back big time, and the last week has been hell, I am just struggling to get through each day, the Thought of having to get out of bed dose not seem to be a challenge, so the last two days, I have stayed in my nightie and done absolute nothing,yes I have prayed, but all that is Jesus I Trust you, that is as far as my prayer is lately.

If you have ever suffered with depression, you would understand,but some don't understand,and are critical, and say wake up to your self, stop feeling sorry for your self, this is a horrible thing to have, and though I am on medication, some time I just get into the dark hole and can not get out of it..

A lot of issues, have cause this condition to come back on to me, losing a friend, who I used to confide in, and a friend who is dying of cancer, who is in denial, my weight, my sugar...the list goes one,

I often think Where is God in all this, he must be on a coffee break, he often goes on coffee breaks on me lately ,

WELL enough from me for now, I had better go and live for the day, count my points, and try and get into my photos...\

I think God UNDERSTAND WHERE I am coming from, have a Blessed week every one

I just want to feel better, my old happy laughting self, but while I am in this dark hole, I just have to try and manage one day at a time

BEAUTIFUL PHOTOS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silence of the Heart

I believe we all have to answer for how we live each day, we have to answer to our God, if we don't look after our self's, its a difficult challenge, though for my self when I have woken up each morning in the last week,in constant pain!  It only makes me more determined to keep moving, but yesterday I have to confess, I had had one Bad day, to the point I didn't even get out of my PJ's~now did I feel guilty No~ because I believe, I need to just have a day where I didn't answer the phone, (which I didn't)  and just be silent in my self, pray and what what I ate and do my tracking, to my surprise, I have have lost 1kg this week, which proves to me, yes Joanne you can do this, in all the pain your bearing, you can walk and you can be silence, and just be your self, and in all of this Jesus walks with me.

In the middle of the week I did have some friend try and dictate to me, but I would not buy what she was selling, meaning I don't have to be told what to do in my spiritual life, its between my self and God, and no one has a right to tell you when or when not to go to confession, or go to Mass, sometime people like to think they can take over my life,  which I have to confess I let them in the past  but now I am wiser and stronger and I wont stand for it, I am me , each day is a challenge, and I can only take one day at a time, some days I can only take one hour at a time..

So what ever I am doing I must be doing right, to lose a 1kg this week, I have proven to m y self I am much stronger than I give my self credit for.

Let us all continue to be Gentle with our self, and know we are on this magical journey, of life,

As Mary of the Cross said,

~We are but Travellers here ~1867~

The little Crosses of every day are harder to bear than the thumping big ones~(1890)

An opportunity for personal growth".

The last few day have been an opportunity for personal growth, to be more open and aware, of where I am going and how my life is panning out,well at the moment its not going so well,and its not for the lack of trying.

We all need to be challenged in our life, to keep going and not to stop when the going gets tough!!
my Challenge is my sugar Diabetes at the moment, my sugar levels have gone through the roof again, and I don't know why.. I have been walking, following my diet and counting my points, and drinking lots and lots of water, so I have come to the realisation it is stress that is causing it plus my shocking cough I have., please pains in the chest which go with high sugars, so I am back to pricking my finger 6 times a day, and I am on insulin 4 times a day which is a challenge when I have a day out!!

so my Plan for the next 24 hours is to stay as quite as possible, read a good spiritual book, do my empty chair exercise, now to those who don't know about the empty Chair exercise, it is the best thing. you sit in one chair and put the other chair facing you, and Jesus sits in that chair, and you sit in the Silence and talk to Jesus,the Loving presents of an other, Jesus has never failed me in this..try it and you will be very surprised.

We all Need Jesus in our life, to walk with us in our ups and down, I wouldn't be here to day If I didn't have him.

So let us all embrace the Loving Presence of the other~

Time waits for no one

IT hard to believe Lent is upon us again, we have just got over Christmas. Lent is a good time for reflection our thoughts on our Spiritual life and our emotional life, seeing where we need to pick up and start again, esp in our challengers from day to day,spending time with friends who need a shoulder to cry on and just to be able to be listened to.

Emotions can take over ones life, and you can not stick to the ridgit diet that one is on, or your become lazy and unwilling to walk each day, well I am going to plan my day to the one thing I should be doing and that is walking, put my iphone on music and just walk,you can only do what you can do, despite the pain I have been struggling with, but I just take one day at a time and know I will get their,life is a challange:)

A New Year, A New beginning

A new year, new promises, feeling of yes this is going to be the year, for losing weight!! No analysing it or saying its all far to hard, just do it and don't think about it, get up each morning and go for a walk, don't think about it, do it,as if its the last day of you living on this earth, no excuses no complaining its, to hot, your to tied, not well just get off your back side and do it, this is my challenge, to do this and don't think about tomorrow or yesterday just live today as if if it is my last/

I got a beautiful New cannon slr digital camera for christmas, looking forward to taking it on my walks and taking beautiful photos of the beautiful flowers ....

life as if today is your last,life is far to short let us all be grateful we have each day as it presents its self to us.

I have been absent from my Journal, for a number of reasons, mainly because I HAVE had so much happening in my life,a lot of sadness, that led to negative feelings, and a lot of issues with my health, that led me to become depressed, and spirituality I was in no space to do any thing, except be angry and frustrated, cry and yell...so I have learnt in the last two weeks, to not be negative to my self or my friends, not be angry because of a family break down,it is better to walk away from that where there is negativity in all that, and to stay with my own family and be positive.....and give it all to God, and let him deal with it!

My challenge now is to really work on my weight and try and get some off, to help me with my knee!! when to the specialist the other day and he said it was a knee replacement!! I said now, but since them, I have realised the pain is becoming worse, since walking and this morning I walked another 50 min and boy am I paying for it now!! But through all this pain I am determined it is going to make my knee better, but I am told from other people it is doing more damage!! Either way I don't want a operation, but I might have to eat my words.

So I continue to count points, stay positive and walk each day, maybe by some Miracle the pain might go ...well for now I am putting my leg up with an ice pack on my knee, and resting today, as its storming and might do some reading ....

See what next week brings!